This morning I made coffee, but there was no milk in the fridge. There was no milk, there was no cream, there was no s'milk*, even. I had to have something.
My eyes fell on a tray of of little plastic bottles. Some were full. Some were full of freshly pumped breast milk.
My inner coffee addict cleared his throat and began to reason that breast milk is even better than cow's milk. It's all natural, after all: crème de la crème. Others in the Parliament of Brain vomited and rent their garments, conjuring scenes of cannibalism and bitty.
In the end, I grabbed one of the bottles and poured a small amount into my coffee. I admit I drank first with one eyebrow up, but my fears were ungrounded - it tasted delicious.
So there you have it. Baby formula makes a fine coffee cream substitute. To those who assumed I grabbed the breast milk bottle: you're sick. Sick!
* s'milk is what we call soy milk at our house - filthy stuff
Baby formula was originally canned milk and corn syrup. Latter years have added small amounts of nutrients, fancy names, and vastly higher prices, but it isn't substantially different. So there you have it - cream and sugar in one. No reason it shouldn't be good in coffee. As for breast milk - a bit thin, I would think - wouldn't lighten the coffee much. You want something with higher fat content, i.e. from a larger animal.
Hmmm, if I'd wanted to clog my arteries that way, I'd prefer to do it with mass amounts of chocolate and donuts. You are a desperate man when it comes to coffee.
Regarding breast milk, I do know a guy who knows a guy who actually regularly used his wife's breast milk for a bit and couldn't understand the myriad of health issues that happened to occur at the same time. He was this close to a coronary.