Rachelle had the plague this week, probably the Norwalk virus. The high tide mark was when she was sitting on the john with a big mixing bowl in her lap, jetting from both ends, poor girl. The moans and cries from the bathroom were quite heart-rending.
But I, more beloved in the sight of heaven than my obviously sinful wife*, miraculously escaped affliction. An angel of the LORD hovered around and upon me, swatting off pesky flu bugs with a flaming sword. Looked like a hippy in a hotel bathrobe playing crazy golf, and the constant BZZRT in the astral dimensions was enough to make me wonder why the LORD didn't just send down some vaccine and dang the Old Testament conceits, but I guess if you're going to enjoy the protection of old Big Beard, you have to put up with all the wacky trappings.
* Psalm 38:3 There is no soundness in my flesh because of your indignation; there is no health in my bones because of my sin.
I believe that in the Gospel of Newton, Centaur of Hercules, Article 89, Section 2, Subsection ii) it reads:
"Thou shalt not count thy blessings lest they hatch."
But I might not have remembered it verbatim.
Meandering Michael
I particularly like your "jetting from both ends" remark. However, I can't imagine that your poor wife will appreciate it so much, though...
Although I guess when one is expending all one's energy into sitting on the toilet, one does not have time to see that her hubby is telling all of cyberspace about it...
"Looked like a hippy in a hotel bathrobe playing crazy golf."
i'm picturing The Dude, with a putter instead of a bowling ball.
Beth - that's it *EXACTLY*. lol
I'm with Beanie. If I were to count my blessings, up near the top would be "Hubbie does not post descriptions of my bodily functions online"
Chelle might not have the energy to notice this GFDIM* right now, but once she regains her strength, I'm sure it will be pay back time. And I'm willing to bet that you (being a man and all) have some pretty spectacular bodily function moments yourself.
*Grounds for divorce idiotic move
I like the GFDIM acronym. But I have to tell you, 'Chelle has seen this post. And the reason she hasn't already had my guts for garters is because, as a pregnant woman, she's been rewriting the book on bodily functions.
Or maybe she's just too beat to tear me a new A.
I'm sure than anyone who has ever stayed at Peter & Chelle's house knows the agony of holding it in for an extended period of time, because Peter's performed one of his "spectacular bodily function moments" and it is not safe to enter the bathroom. Enduring the pain is, by far, the lesser of the 2 evils.
Thankfully though, the house they bought (as opposed to the apartment they used to rent), has a window which speeds up the airing out time significantly.
Karyn, one day, when you tell the little Peter/Chelle that they called it Flipper, we should also remind Chelle of this GFDIM and see how she feels about it then... :-)
Time to weigh in.
Peter, REALLY, quoting from Psalms? Those are silly little-girl songs!
I figure the real meat is found in 2nd Thesselonians: "...as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are now suffering."
Yes, that's right all the explosive afflictions I have suffered as of late have pretty much guaranteed me a nice comfy corner booth in heaven's best pasta joint.
Peter, meanwhile, will likely be busy scrounging around in fiery trashcans with a pair of tongs, desperately searching for some charred remains of a pickle sandwich.
- Karma Police.