The following occult secret was found in a musty tome I stole from a musty tomb by hiding it in my +2 bookbag of holding. I have paraphrased where necessary.
To enlist an ally of air and fire, the magician must first prepare his chamber with quantities of brusseled cabbage boiled long in a silver tureen and the bean of Méjico twice prepared.1 This will attract a servant of greatest potency and inspiration.
The magician is advised to take great care as to the time and place of summoning, for no pentacle may hold the dreadful spirit once released:
"Him goeth wheresoever him listeth, and bitter foe he afflicteth mightily and fast friend also, sparing him kinsmen none, nor king nor pauper, nor christian nor heathen, nor man, woman, child it pleaseth him not to spare."
And though none in the vicinity is safe, the magician himself need fear not, for he remains unaffected. Yet he is cautioned:
"No utterance shalle he grant to questen from the citadel of his lips, but govern his tongue moste puissant to the reeke, for well knowen sholde he that "he that hath smelt, so also hath he dealt."
1 margin gloss: let him who hath understanding fetchen his pannikin
-- excerpt from page titled arcanus flatus horribilis
Did I mention it was musty?
Hunh. I knew where you were going with that before the end of the first sentence. Flatus interruptus bonus meum.
You know, now that I think about it, there is a strange "musty" odour emanating from your office chair as well.
I think the fumes have finally permeated your fragile essence and have taken over your blog.
Chelle.