Peaeater

I too have suffered the trials and tribulations of a less-than-perfect physical machine. The outfall of my attempts to leap tall buildings in a single bound has led to many a twinge, dating particularly from the time I decided to break the leap training into two distinct phases, which I will label "Up" and "Down". Seeing as "Up" was not leading to the hoped-for results as quickly as had been anticipated, I endeavoured to cross-train by working hard on the "Down" aspect. Everything began well, and I found that gravity facilitated my descent from the tall building in a manner which exceeded expectations. However, as luck would have it, I miscalculated the volume of Kleenex required as insole shock absorbers, and unfortunately my legs shattered explosively upon impact. This was something of a setback, but I doubled the amount of Kleenex padding in my shoes and made a second trial, confident that a renewed commitment to safety would negate the inconvenience of an awkward landing. Tragically, in a cruel twist of fate, the efficacy of the double-padding was never exonerated, as a gust of wind shifted me some metres outside my target zone and I was skewered on a nearby flagpole like an Extreme Kebab.

I have suffered from mysterious aches and ailments ever since. My advice is to take it easy on the knee, and to consider amputation from the waist down. I have noticed a dramatic reduction in minor aches and pains from my legs following their abscission, and hope to get back into serious training again come Spring.